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And now for something completely different: Episode 3 – Project Revenge 2025

by David Hume III


With less than a year to go before the 2024 election, a constellation of like-minded national socialists from the MAGAmite manure pile are preparing for a second White House term for their hero, Tartuffe T. Rump. Thousands of Americans are being recruited to storm Washington, D.C., on a mission to dismantle the federal government and replace it with T. Rump’s vision of the American New Order (ANO).


Project Revenge 2025 was conceived by two of T. Rump’s favorite psychopaths. The first was an unemployed white supremacist and Christian nationalist, Wulf Sternhammer, who claimed to have served as Heinrich Himmler’s Deputy Reichsführer of the SS in a past life. The other architect of Project Revenge 2025 was Josef Goebbel’s doppelganger, Smeagol Miller, whose teen dream, like Pinocchio’s, was to become a real boy.


The ANO candidates — after having their DNA screened to ensure no familial genetic connections with Africa, Asia, the Caribbean, South America, or Mexico — will have to comply with the MAGA Movement’s basic rules: 


  • They must adhere to a diet restricted to the four major food groups, i.e., McDonalds’ hamburgers, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pepperoni pizza, and Diet Cokes.

  • They shall never consume coffee, tea, cigarettes, illicit drugs, or alcohol.

  • They shall never associate with Democrats, Hispanics, Asians or Jews.

  • They shall uphold a moral condemnation of carnal relationships outside of marriage. However, “Locker Room Talk” is permitted at political rallies and gatherings in Tartuffe T. Rump’s Mar-a-Lago “man caves.”

Project Revenge 2025 recruiting was assisted by members of the Young MAGAmites Club of Amerika (YMCA) and its enforcement arm, the Tippling Point /USA, whose recruiting practices resembled those used by the cadres of the Hare Krishna Cult popular in airports and bus stations in the 1970s and 1980s.


The study group for Project Revenge 2025 was led by some of today’s most prominent thinkers in the MAGA movement, BamBam Banyan, Cancun Cruzencocker, electrocution survivor Randy Saint Paul, Roadz Skolar and Nobber of the Year Miss EmTeeGee and former Tartuffe 24-day Security Adviser, General Disaster Erasmus O’Keefe.


The actual lead of this think tank was der Direktor Spanky Lederhosen, who issued the Project’s first proclamation: The previous USA national motto, “In God We Trust” shall be replaced by the new MAGA motto, “Civility, Compassion, and Compromise are for LOSERS.” Lederhosen issued the Project’s second proclamation: We shall not allow immigrants to continue “poisoning the blood of our country.”


With a nearly 1,000-page Project Revenge 2025 handbook and an army of MAGAmites, the idea is to have the ANO infrastructure in place on Day One to commandeer, reshape, and eradicate the Deep State bureaucracy, in part, by firing as many as 150,000 federal civil service workers on the first day.


“We need to flood the zone with MAGAmites,” said der Direktor Spanky Lederhosen. “President T. Rump on Day One will be a wrecking ball for the Deep State.”


Much of T. Rump’s agenda will be accomplished by reinstating Schedule F, an executive order that would reclassify the two million federal employees as essentially at-will workers. The weather forecast for the beginning of T. Rump’s rule is Stormy and lascivious mockery with a good chance of reoccurring ridicule.


All donations to T. Rump’s campaign for president will be distributed to the accounts of the following patriotic organizations in the stated percentages: The Tartuffe Family Charitable Trust – 60%, the VDU (Vermin Disposal Unit) – 20%, The Fondi Immaginari of Rome – 15%, and the Election Committee of Brutus Jones for Emperor of North Carolina – 5% minus overhead of 4.9999%.


Project Revenge 2025 will begin the long-awaited “Book Burning Bonanza” to control the pollution of the population’s thoughts by outlawing paper books, digital novels, and texts by the American and foreign leftist Democrat writers, including but not limited to, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain, John Steinbeck, Kurt Vonnegut, Stephen King, Tom Clancy, Rachel Carson, Ray Bradbury, George Orwell, Aldous Huxley, and Isabel Allende.


The moral of T. Rump’s dangerous nationalist-populist experiment — where truth is mutilated, free elections and respect for the rule of law are abolished — is a simple one. 


Don’t let it happen. The future of democracy depends on you! Vote Democratic!

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